Blog dedicated to my poor wife.
'You cannot jump over your knees.' - Gurdjieff
“What they ask you for is actions, proofs, works, and all you can produce are transformed tears.”
― Emil Cioran, The New Gods
The most beautiful artist must be flawed if they are to have any hope of discovering beauty.
A huge amount of self sabotage is necessary for this.
Being a mischevous rule breaker and hanging out with the seemier side of society is the sexier side of the job. Being a whining fucking baby who needs frequent validation is not.
For our art to be consistent and for our career to have longevity there needs to be an accepted perpetuation of existential confusion and worldy bitterness. Each painting made is like to self harm. If we thought we could end it all with one painting we would. But we don't.
We aim to fail.
"This is how we recognise the man who has tendencies towards an inner quest: he will set failure above any success, he will even seek it out, unconsciously of course. This is because failure, always essential, reveals us to ourselves, permits us to see ourselves as God sees us, whereas success distances us from what is most inward in ourselves and indeed in everything."
This essentially means we can pull out the pazzazz when we want to but we have to let that die out and disappear for us to be physically and mentally able to continue on this very particular career path.
This is not always attractive.
This cycle is not a choice, and everybody goes through it, the only difference is that an artist, whether musician, writer, actor or painter must show off publically these peaks and troughs.
How does this affect the artist differently to any other human?
There is something very childish about what we do. To keep showing off and acting out this way is tantamount to typical childish behaviour. Look at me! Look at me!
For the spectator this can be fun for a short while but can ware thin and become deeply unnatractive after some time.
The same unfortunately applies to both the amateur and the 'professional' artist. Perhaps even more so for the 'professional' artist as their reputation precedes them, the expectations are greater and the likelihood of them ever growing up rapidly dwindles and that with artist's eager consent.
Now practical adult sober behaviour is not what draws us to the majority of our favourite artists is it?
(No, is the answer to that question by the way unless you only ever owned 5 C.D.s which you can actually name or only have Spotify in order to shuffle the Top 50 playlists, or galleries and museums are not really your thing or 50 Shades of Gray is your favourite book or your favourite movie is Flubber.) - Note: Snobbery is another unwanted, unattractive pimple on the artist's bust.
Needy, impractical, self absorbed, destructive, unconventional, drug addicted fuck ups are what we are drawn to. This is not a recipe for a reliable, charming, wunderkind with a strong, winning character.
Let's face it; we are not a pretty race, and we don't care. Until we do, and then we will make a big fucking song and dance about it because we are rarely humble. As Cioran once said "He who hates himself is not humble."
But for OTHERS to tell us we are 'unattractive', that is a cow of a different texture. This will not be tolerated, because one of the largest blemishes on our exalted person is the inability to see our 'necessary flaws' as anything but necessary in which case they must be either liked or lumped. And if you lump us after first liking us, more fool you.
All artists are unattractive in the end but woe betide anyone who condescends to let us know something so blatantly obvious.
"I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member."
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